About 5 years back when Saints (Southampton Football Club) were on their downward slide through the leagues the local radio station, Saint FM, ran a competition to win tickets for the Saints v Norwich City game that week.
I hadn’t heard about it due to a radio ban by my then fascist boss but my mum phoned me to tell me and to beg me to enter.
The best poem about saints would win said tickets and a little tour before the game to meet a couple of the players.
Mums a massive Saints fan and asked me to write a poem on her behalf so she could get the tickets.
I duly obliged, writing being a bit of a hobby and something I’m a bit handy at (gizajob) and handed the piece to mum to submit.
About a week later I got a call from the station saying that my mum had won but she had admitted it was my poem and did I want the prize? I was chuffed to be fair, quite proud of my efforts so came clean and claimed the prize.
So me and mum turn up to the game and get ushered in, all the while my mum keeps bursting into fits of giggles and laughter. I knew something was up because mum, dad and my brother all love to stitch me up but for the life of me I couldn’t work out what.
We do the tour, meet a couple of fringe players, get some free merchandise and then the pr guide says
“Well its ten minutes to kick off I suppose we better get you up there”
Thinking he meant the stands I started to follow but mum hangs back, next thing I know I’m getting led onto the pitch introduced as the competition winner and then told to read the poem out in front of 26000 fans.
I was fucking mortified. Embarrassed wasn’t the word. About 1500 Norwich fans chanting “wanker wanker wanker” followed by “what the fucking hell was that” with me stood on the hallowed wishing it would just open up taking me and those fuckers in the Northam end with me!!
The Football Poetry
A single living breathing soul, of red and white delight
Thirty thousand organs strong ready for the plight
A unity of boundless hope
A force without simile
In these four stands our forces strong
With our combined revere
The man, the boy, the ill, the well
The members of our dreams
The hardships faced, the battles won
Make for better times it seems,
Our joys, our fears, our ways of life
These feelings cant be snubbed
For this our pride, our love, our hope
This is Southampton Football Club.
“wanker, wanker, wanker, wanker, wanker …”