and add a splash of hell

it was a dark rumour that should not possibly be true but could be in this crazy world and times. like the first rumour of felching when you were at school.

changing the tv channels and there was a solid lady in a rather bad swimsuit about to dive into a pool, hoping to not make a big splash. this lady was part of a celebrity challenge show, perhaps the worst idea ever. splash. so the rumours were true – including felching?

somehow someone had come up with the idea that a celebrity show about semi famous to famous people diving into a pool was brilliant and gripping tv. this idea had progressed all the way up the pyramid and most people in power having to confirm it was a great idea.

2 divers in a diving content just dove straight in from the board with no twists or anything. gripping tension that keeps you watching, will they be able to fall forwards into the pool and weeks of training for this diving competition?

the lady was going to dive backwards into the pool from a 10 meter board, the commentators were saying its the hardest dive attempted on the show. first corner of an f1 race style – so worth staying tuned to watch. penny mordaunt dived backwards and started to rotate. for effect the camera went to inside and below the pool. she lived up to the shows name. massive belly/body flop, perhaps the biggest ever made that most watching had seen? massive cheers from the crowd and you knew that the judges would mark her high for attempting something hard but utterly failing.

penny mordaunt was not voted off first and made it to a soul shuddering event that extended the horror – the dive off or splash off. where she then did an even bigger splash, easily the biggest belly flop ever. danielle lloyd who for her competition dive had fallen forwards off the 5 meter diving board – child learning to dive into the pool style with arms thrust forward from the head – was next to dive off and only had to fall into the pool to get through. would she be able to handle the pressure? was there a way she could fail?

dan osborne revealed perhaps and even deeper horror and low of the world. when trying to find out who/what he was it seems dan is a star in a “scripted reality” tv show – a “reality” show where they stage and script event/things. macdonalds restaurant. dan kept saying he couldnt dive in head first as he was too scared, so did a running jump and twist thing and landed feet first. diving contest? so he had to be out of the contest – as you cant go through if you are not going to dive? but the actual power of voting who goes through was left to the public and he was already guaranteed to be through because of what else he revealed in his speedos.

patrick monahan was the unluckiest and unliked person on the show. he did an actual competition dive in a diving content show – forward somersault/twist – and over rotated and made a splash. the judges results/scores dont mean anything in the show and he was – of course – voted off first. he didnt even make the dive off. it seems he is a comedian who is annoying. after all you cant compete with the quality he was up against, he must have been gutted that he was in the group of death, why me etc.

The biggest splash of the show was the half time entertainment when suddenly the pool and diving boards were attacked and assaulted by professional divers. now this is what the public is wanting. great leaps, dives and even duel diving, all building up to the show stopping ending. tom daley, british olympic swimmer and coach for the celebrities, appeared on the top diving board in a suit and was handed a suitcase by an assistant lady. intriguing.

after all the splendid dives and increasing action in the last couple of minutes – apart from the synchronized swimming that is always going to be a non spectator sport – what could the business attire and the suitcase ending be? he walked up to the edge of the 10m board, stepped off, had a spastic attack and jerked his arms a couple of times then went into the pool feet first. to leave those watching bemused and waiting for the actual ending. the live crowd went wild. summing up the show, the world and the state of celebratory challenge shows.